Jennifer and Lee

“Hootenanny – Folk musicians Billy Stowell, left, Dick Haines and Cathy Slack are a few of the local entertainers appearing regularly at the Sudbury Inn’s Thursday evening “hoot.” The increasingly popular affair features folk music from 8 to 10 p.m., followed by two hours of rock and roll. Amateurs, talented or just enthusiastic, are welcome to take a turn at the mike.“

I love seeing my father play music. It makes me happy that he was connected to family and a community, played music with his friends, and had a neat job that challenged him and kept him sharp. My dad is a bad ass. I am so proud of everything about him. I wish he was alive so I could tell him that I see everything about him and that I’m sad that I lost precious time considering he died at such a young age (57). It gives me peace to look through his pictures and personal effects and know that he lived a beautiful and fulfilling life. I learned how much he loved his kids; I can’t imagine the pain he experienced being alienated from all of them. After gaining some emotional maturity, I returned to dad at 22 years old and we gave each other unconditional love.

But it wouldn’t last long before cancer took its toll.

I have a hard time with these pictures and thinking about this timeframe in 1990. I was abused as a child by two bullies who to this day treat me like shit and I had to go no contact to protect myself, find my own identity, and detach from the toxic family dynamics I never wanted to be a part of. My upbringing was miserable with my mother and her second husband, something I am paying for to this day because I never felt safe, I was dehumanized, and alienated from my loving father who is dead now. They traumatized and erased me and I will never speak to them again.

My boyfriend and I graduated from high school in June 1990. Ray joined the U.S. Army right after graduation, and I settled into the Bethel party scene before I left for college at the University of Maine at Farmington. I almost didn’t make it to the college scene but the relationship with Ray gave me love, a sense of purpose, and confidence. We were a team, we were in love, and we had a future. I got zero support from my mother. I was on my own in the 8th grade so it wasn’t a big deal to go out into the world and make shit happen. I started drinking again after Ray left for the Army.

Without Ray, I was on my own again. So what do I do? I start drinking because the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life scared the fuck out of me. My mother was a lost cause; I was made to believe that my father didn’t love me and was “evil”; and therefore I thought I had no one. But I did have friends, and I was getting ready to head off to college to turn this trainwreck of a life around. No one but the State of Maine ever validated and admitted to the abuse, instead I was victim blamed, abandoned, and dehumanized by the family in retaliation for them getting caught.

Like they still do to this day, the State of Maine Department of Health and Human Services and the middle school abandoned me too. No one cared about the on-going abuse, including retaliation and emotional and mental abuse I suffered as a result. I was just happy that the physical abuse stopped. Not one person told me that what I was experiencing was traumatic and would create chronic stress from living in fear in addition to mental health problems the victim is forced to address. I drank to cope with problems that didn’t have a name in my world.

I wish I had known when I was 18 years old that I could turn to my father who actually is a good man. Despite my mother trying to turn me against him, all she did was make me distrustful of people in general, often telling me she is the only one I can rely on and trust in this world. It wasn’t true. She treated me like I was transactional, she abandoned me emotionally as a child, and she abandoned me financially since the 8th grade because my brother and I wouldn’t let her second husband adopt us. As a matter of fact we said OH HELL NO.

I always loved my father and longed for him in my life but she made me feel like he wasn’t a good person. She made me feel like I was “choosing sides” and she made me feel like I had no one if I didn’t do things her way. She used abandonment to control me and make me feel like I have no one if I didn’t see things her way. It was a dark place to live. As a result of her manipulation, bitterness, and hate, she robbed me of time that I could have spent with a good man who loved me, wanted to invest in me, and was proud of my accomplishments. He cared about ME.

I reconnected with Dad after I graduated from college in 1994.

Related Links:
Equine Therapy for Veterans: A Gentle Respect
Equine Therapy for Veterans with PTSD
15 Ways My K9s for Warriors Service Dog Has Helped Me (2015)
William R. Stowell Memorial Site on Instagram
William R. Stowell Graduated Third Honors from Gould Academy in Bethel, Maine (1962)
William R. Stowell Graduated from the University of Maine Orono with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Civil Engineering (1968)
William R. Stowell Working on Property Where He Built a Brand New Home for His Family in Bethel, Maine (1969)
William R. Stowell Designed Railroad Crossing on Nuclear Carrying Rail for Mare Island Naval Shipyard, Vallejo, California (1985)
William “Billy” Stowell Playing Guitar with a Local Band on Mollyockett Day in Bethel, Maine – Video by Mike Stowell (1991)
William R. Stowell Plays Mandolin at a Friend’s Wedding in West Bethel, Maine (1992)
William R. Stowell Takes a Trip to St. Augustine, Florida to Visit Friends & the Castillo de San Marcos National Monument (1992)
William R. Stowell Takes Pictures of First Snowfall at Home in West Bethel, Maine (1992)
“My Last Visit with Bill” by Peter Stowell (2001)